mal_contented | Homecoming and goings - A PSL for Ben and CRAU Mal

THIS IS NOT GAME CANON FOR MISSRECALLED.

That said, warnings for:
Spoilers
Angst
Um.... Did I mention angst?
And bad jokes, clearly.

Other things may happen as the plot goes, not sure. But I mean... I'm still me.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

didimention

"What have you been lying to me about Mal? I already know that you kept using magic without telling me... but what else is there? You can tell me anything. Now when I get a bad temper I just wolf out as you saw and try not to take my anger out on others. It's been... difficult though." He hated struggling with the ability to change but he was slowly getting the hang of it.

He outstretched his hand for her to take if she wanted to. "Come on. It's only a few minutes' walk from here. If you hate it, you can leave."

From:

mal_contented

"About being able to fit in, about being able to cope. All the teachers expect me to be good at school, to know things! They give homework in a way that we never got on the Isle! Doc F. never cared if we did anything so long as we listened when he felt like lecturing and kept him in bribes. The only teacher who really made us do anything at all was Lady Tremane. And we only worked on nasty little plots, evil schemes. Sure sh taught history but she shouted it and ranted it at us, she didn't expect us to go home and read pages and pages and pages of it! Mother Gothel got mad at us if we showed up less than a half hour late to her class! Our homework was taking photos. Of ourselves, or her! But everyone here gives homework and homework and homework! And every time I tried to turn there were people in my face demanding to know about mom, about our relationship, about my hair, my clothes. I don't have a moment to breathe, Ben! Even using magic to help!"

She was going too fast to stop now.

"I had to find out from everyone else that you asking me to cotillion meant you were practically proposing to me, Ben! That's the kind of thing I'd want to learn from you! Not everyone else! But when could you have even told me? When do we ever have time? And then we finally have a date but I'm so turned around that I got mixed up and couldn't do what I promised you! And you give me so much and I want to be able to do things for you too but I can't! I try and I try and I can't! Not without magic! And even with magic I can't keep up! But everyone else seems to manage! So clearly it is me, something is wrong with me!" Her eyes started glowing green and she put her hands over her head, trying to hold herself together, trying to fight the anxiety, trying very hard not to change into a dragon as she had in Diatu.

From:

didimention

He walked towards Mal slowly. Hoping that he could calm her down. He's helped her before, and he knew sort of what to do. He didn't want her to freak out any more about things. "Mal, take a deep breath. I know you're freaking out about everything. That's exactly how I felt when I was told I was becoming a king at sixteen and it wasn't the best situation. I didn't even want to become King to be honest with you, but I had no choice." His father left him without a choice in the matter and he kept trying to talk to his mother, but nothing happened. He was finally telling Mal how he felt as well since he kept it to himself for a really long time. He just didn't want to upset anyone else with his worrying and he knew so far, he was doing a good job, or he hoped.

"I know... I've been a horrible boyfriend lately. I wanted to take you away somewhere so the two of us could have at least some time alone and I couldn't even manage to do that." He sighed a little as he took a deep breath himself to calm down as well. "The only thing that matters is you loving me for who I am Mal nothing else. You don't love me because I'm the King of Auradon you just love me as Ben." He wanted to help her, and he wondered if he was screwing things up more until he saw her green eyes. He remembered her dragon transformation quite well and thought it was incredible. That's why she helped him with his wolf transformation she knew what to do and how to handle it with help from Carlos as well.

"You can do magic if that's what helps. You did give your book to Fairy Godmother though. I love you for who you are. I don't care if you're a perfect princess. That's why I never got along with Audrey. I wish the others didn't tell you that. I wanted to tell you about us getting married eventually. Not yet though."

From:

mal_contented

"You're not the horrible one here, Ben! I don't even know if I know how to love! How am I supposed to know why I love someone if I don't know if I even can love?! Anyone you marry has to be able to love you, and love Auradon! It can't just be about what makes m happy, it has to be about what keeps everyone safe! And I can't do that!"

She started to sob, hated herself for that. "I.... I'm not what you need," she whispered. "Not what Auradon needs. Because I... I can't be... not me...."

From:

didimention

“You told me you loved me at Cotillion. I was cursed by Uma and you saved me with true loves kiss. I’d still be under her spell if the kiss didn’t work Mal.” Which was a horrible thought to even think about. Uma was a threat to all of them currently it wasn’t good.

“You can be you. That’s why I really want to show you the stained glass window I made. You loved it the first time.”

From:

mal_contented

She looked up at him, so confused. So lost. Hope was at war with the defensiveness she had always needed to survive. If she shed it, and hope was betrayed... what would she have left?

Losing Ben again would hurt more than anything she'd ever felt. More than losing Lydia. More than going back to the Isle.

"But... what if... I'm not the right me...?" she whispered. "What... I don't remember any of that, Ben. What if that's a different me, a different Mal. In her room or something right now.... And then you are.. are stuck with two of us...?"

From:

didimention

Ben sighed. He felt like this conversation wasn't going anywhere and he really didn't know what to do. All of this didn't make sense, how could there be two Mal's. He was half tempted to run back upstairs to where he left Mal originally to see if there was indeed two of them. However, it wasn't right leaving this Mal here. It was still Mal he just didn't know how to deal with this.

"I know... this is going to get really complicated and confusing Mal. I really want to show you what I made so you know I'm not tricking you or anything like that. Jane helped me design it actually I think you'll love it. I know you trust me so you can follow me if you want to. Are you hungry or anything?" He asked with a smile since he could easily ask the kitchen to make something for Mal. Not that big of a deal.

From:

mal_contented

She had been about to reply when he mentioned being hungry. Her stomach replied before she could. Not her fault! She hadn't gotten to meet Sylvando for dinner before arriving here and she still felt uncomfortable eating in the cafeteria at Diatu. And not just because the food there was as likely to bite you back as to lay flat on the plate.

"Um..., food might be good..." she mumbled. She was still sure there had to be another her, or this was som trick or... or something.

Because this? Ben being like this? Bing back but that being okay? She wanted it. More than she'd ever wanted anything.

And life didn't generally give her what she wanted. Ever.

From:

didimention

Ben smiled and nodded understanding. The cooks would be glad to make them something. That's what they were there for. "I can always show you the painting afterwards. I just really need you to see it before the end of the day." Or at least he had hoped that she'd want to see it, he also wondered if they would bump into another Mal. He'd just have to wait and see for that.

"You don't need to tell me. I just need to know what you've been up to. You just look really frazzled and I want to make sure I know how to take care of you." He took a deep breath and walked towards the castle where the kitchens were. "I'm going to need to tell Evie as well along with Jay and Carlos. They'll be really confused."

From:

mal_contented

"There is no need to upset them," she said, quickly. Panicked. "If there really are two of me here... they don't need to deal with that."

She wished Ben didn't have to deal with that either.