Homecoming and goings - A PSL for Ben and CRAU Mal

[mal_contented]

THIS IS NOT GAME CANON FOR MISSRECALLED.


That said, warnings for:
Spoilers
Angst
Um.... Did I mention angst?
And bad jokes, clearly.

Other things may happen as the plot goes, not sure. But I mean... I'm still me.

Comments

[mal_contented]

She took a step back, then caught herself and fought to stand her ground. "Then maybe you're another Ben. Wouldn't been the first time." She was trying to hide the shake in her voice. The emotions racing through her.

"S...so that means I'm not the Mal that you l... that you know," she corrected herself quickly. "Better go find her, forget me." Then trying to put on the tough persona she's ben fighting to build up - the one Sylvando kept trying to shatter - she dropped the bag and shirt to cross her arms. "I'm bad news, Ben."

Why... had that been so difficult to say? Especially now that she knew he had to be some other Mal's Ben.

There were two of Lyida. And the second took away the girl she had thought had been a friend. Not the first betrayal, and hey, at last L didn't try to drown her like Uma. But still.

Two Lydias hurt. Because of how it all went down.

Why did the universe hate her so much that there had to be two Bens too?

[didimention]

"What do you mean wouldn't be the first time?" he asked as he tried to straighten himself out and smoothed down his shirt a bit. Sometimes when he shifted his clothes got messed up, he was good enough now that he was able to not tear his clothes off while shifting. That would have been a bit embarrassing.

"I'm not sure. You don't remember anything? What's the last thing you remember?" he had a lot more questions than this, but he didn't want to overwhelm her either. "Are we going to have this conversation for a second time... you're not bad news Mal. You know I love you. I'm not going back on that now." he just hoped that Mal wouldn't run away from him again. He'd just have to prove to Mal how much he loved her all over again.

"How about we go back to the castle? Evie can explain everything." he said looking at her with a smile, hoping that Mal would come with him.

[mal_contented]

So many questions and she had to fight not to just grab her bag and run. But then he mentioned Evie.

Stabbing her might have hurt less.

So she threw verbal thorns at him. At the situation. "Evie is too busy with cotillion to want to be bothered," she snapped. Which... gave him a general idea of what she remembered last. "I remember plenty, Ben," she added with a snarl. "Blond hair and pink dresses... that's not me. Magic and leather. That's me. Spikes. Thorns. Purple hair. This is me, Ben. I'm half evil fairy half evil Dragon. I'm not some prissy Auradon Princess. And I'm not what Auradon needs." Not what you need, Ben...

[didimention]

"Mal... cotillion has been over for months now. You were there. A lot of things went down with Uma. I know you're magic and leather. We went through all of this already... I even got a stained-glass painting for you." This was going to be a little difficult and he really needed to get a hold of Evie somehow so she could help with this situation. He really didn't want Mal to be upset with him like she was before and even then, he blamed himself for that the argument was his fault, but they worked through all of that.

"You're what Auradon needs. I know everything about you. Why don't you take a walk with me? I'll show you what I'm talking about. If you trust me enough." he sighed a bit hoping that Mal would come with him, he also wondered why Mal was acting this way. She was completely fine with him earlier. Things didn't make sense.

[mal_contented]

"No... I wasn't..." she fought the urge to step back. The stronger urge to run. She wouldn't run. She wouldn't. She had to show people that she was strong. Because this could be like any of the weird happenings that weren't real. For all she knew she was being watched.

Had already exposed too much.

If only she was back in the Kingdoms she could just go and fight the darkness until whatever this was ended, or hide out in the stables.

She fought to get control of her voice again. "I left. If you were m... the real Ben you'd know that. I left, I vanished," she tried to make her voice snap, but it broke in the middle instead.

Trust him? If he was real, then yes. Sh couldn't imagine any version of Ben that couldn't be trusted. He couldn't be bad if he wanted to be. Which was why they could never work. Because she tried to be good, tried so hard to be good. And always failed.

"I'm not even sure you're real," she finally managed. Because while saying she didn't trust him, or staying silent was smarter... Even if he was fake she couldn't bear to hurt him that badly.

[didimention]

Ben was entirely confused as to what's going on. She left to go back to the Isle, but they brought her back and their relationship was fixed. Or so he thought. Nothing mattered to him, but Mal and he wasn't going to lose her again if he could help it. "I know you left. I knew you left to go back to the Isle, but we brought you back. I guess you mean you left again to go somewhere else?" He wasn't trying to be an ass or anything he just needed to know how to proceed with this and without hurting Mal either.

"I'm real. You can touch me if you want to see that I am real. I'm not sure what other method there is to go about this situation." He wanted her to know that Mal could trust him no matter what. "Good. I really want to show you what was made for you." He walked towards the building that held all the stained-glass windows. He always admired his mother and father's and now he and Mal had one of their own.

[mal_contented]

She didn't follow, frozen, as if rooted to the spot. "What do you mean brought me back?" she asked, horrified a the thought that... no... no. Ben wouldn't have gone to the Isle. He had to mean he sent Evie and them. Or guards. Or... or something. Either this was some other Ben or her Ben but from ahead. She wasn't sure which.

But either way... Ben? On the Isle? They'd eat him up alive! Terror for him almost had her reaching out as he started to walk away, but she forced herself not to. Tried to remind herself that this was better, that she could slip away while his back was turned.

But she couldn't get herself to move.

[didimention]

"You... you don't remember me going to the Isle? I was captured by Uma and her gang. The four of you had to make a fake wand to get me back." This was really confusing. He and Mal had been through a lot the past couple of months it felt like he was going backwards. Explaining everything to her. That was okay though.

"It would really help me to know what you remember. I know you said you remember the cotilion but what about it?" He asked and took a deep breath; this was going to be difficult. He turned to look at her in a confused way. "Everything okay? I'm not going to hurt you Mal. I promise."

[mal_contented]

"Uma?" her voice broke. Because that more than anything told her that he was telling the truth. That somehow he knew some weird future that she'd never lived. Because she ha never mentioned Uma to Ben. Never said that name in Auradon. If anything... she called her Shrimpy. But even then....

Her knees gave out, and she berated herself for being weak, but it was hard. Because this was Ben. This was someone who was as close to being safe as anyone. Ben and Evie. She... she had ben hiding her weakness more and more from them, but at the same time...

They were the ones she had most wanted to talk to.

How many times had she tried? Started to say something to Evie only to pull up short thinking about her Best friend's reactions to going back to the Isle, to the talismans. To how eager Evie had been to be rid of all of that once and for all. How much thoughts of home disturbed her.

How many times had she started to say something to Ben... just for him to have to rush off before she could get a word out? Or before Jane pulled her away for one of a million questions about cotillion.

How many times had she just... given up and had the chance but just... didn't try.

How could she go back to that? To being pulled in so many directions, to having to hide who and what she is because the people need a princess for their future Queen. Evie needs someone who grew with her away from the Isle to look to the future. And Ben...

Once again she felt like her heart was breaking.

Ben.... needed someone he could count on. Someone he could trust. Someone who wasn't going to break the no magic laws. Someone who could help him with all the new duties he was drowning under. Someone who didn't forget the day of the weak or break her promises.

Or run away.

She wanted to run away now. So badly. But she couldn't move, huddled there on the ground.

[didimention]

Ben looked as Mal fell to the ground and made his way over towards her. He wondered what was going on inside of her head currently and also wondered if he could help her figure things out. He never liked it when he saw Mal upset like that. He just hoped that this Mal would at least open up to him, or one could hope.

"Mal? What's going on? What aren't you telling me?" He looked at her trying to figure all of this out. He loved her and was willing to do anything to protect her like he did many times before.

[mal_contented]

"None.... none of this makes sense. Yo...you have to be some other version of Ben." Som version that knew a less broken Mal. That had to be it. She clung to that conclusion like it was the last bit of driftwood keeping her from drowning in a storm. But the storm was winning.

[didimention]

"You're right. None of this makes sense. I'm still trying to piece everything together. I literally just left you at Evie's and I caught you falling from the sky." He really needed to stop letting his anger get the best of him. That's what caused their fight before she ran off to the Isle. Even if she was lying to him about her magic. That didn't matter.

"I just want to show you something. You're going to love it. Trust me."

[mal_contented]

She swallowed hard and forced herself to look up at him. "I do trust you," she whispered. "I'm the one who had been lying and hiding things..."

Her voice was shaking terribly, and she was so close to undone. She felt like if he touched her, she'd break into a million pieces and it terrified her, but at the same time, she missed him so much.

[didimention]

"What have you been lying to me about Mal? I already know that you kept using magic without telling me... but what else is there? You can tell me anything. Now when I get a bad temper I just wolf out as you saw and try not to take my anger out on others. It's been... difficult though." He hated struggling with the ability to change but he was slowly getting the hang of it.

He outstretched his hand for her to take if she wanted to. "Come on. It's only a few minutes' walk from here. If you hate it, you can leave."

[mal_contented]

"About being able to fit in, about being able to cope. All the teachers expect me to be good at school, to know things! They give homework in a way that we never got on the Isle! Doc F. never cared if we did anything so long as we listened when he felt like lecturing and kept him in bribes. The only teacher who really made us do anything at all was Lady Tremane. And we only worked on nasty little plots, evil schemes. Sure sh taught history but she shouted it and ranted it at us, she didn't expect us to go home and read pages and pages and pages of it! Mother Gothel got mad at us if we showed up less than a half hour late to her class! Our homework was taking photos. Of ourselves, or her! But everyone here gives homework and homework and homework! And every time I tried to turn there were people in my face demanding to know about mom, about our relationship, about my hair, my clothes. I don't have a moment to breathe, Ben! Even using magic to help!"

She was going too fast to stop now.

"I had to find out from everyone else that you asking me to cotillion meant you were practically proposing to me, Ben! That's the kind of thing I'd want to learn from you! Not everyone else! But when could you have even told me? When do we ever have time? And then we finally have a date but I'm so turned around that I got mixed up and couldn't do what I promised you! And you give me so much and I want to be able to do things for you too but I can't! I try and I try and I can't! Not without magic! And even with magic I can't keep up! But everyone else seems to manage! So clearly it is me, something is wrong with me!" Her eyes started glowing green and she put her hands over her head, trying to hold herself together, trying to fight the anxiety, trying very hard not to change into a dragon as she had in Diatu.

[didimention]

He walked towards Mal slowly. Hoping that he could calm her down. He's helped her before, and he knew sort of what to do. He didn't want her to freak out any more about things. "Mal, take a deep breath. I know you're freaking out about everything. That's exactly how I felt when I was told I was becoming a king at sixteen and it wasn't the best situation. I didn't even want to become King to be honest with you, but I had no choice." His father left him without a choice in the matter and he kept trying to talk to his mother, but nothing happened. He was finally telling Mal how he felt as well since he kept it to himself for a really long time. He just didn't want to upset anyone else with his worrying and he knew so far, he was doing a good job, or he hoped.

"I know... I've been a horrible boyfriend lately. I wanted to take you away somewhere so the two of us could have at least some time alone and I couldn't even manage to do that." He sighed a little as he took a deep breath himself to calm down as well. "The only thing that matters is you loving me for who I am Mal nothing else. You don't love me because I'm the King of Auradon you just love me as Ben." He wanted to help her, and he wondered if he was screwing things up more until he saw her green eyes. He remembered her dragon transformation quite well and thought it was incredible. That's why she helped him with his wolf transformation she knew what to do and how to handle it with help from Carlos as well.

"You can do magic if that's what helps. You did give your book to Fairy Godmother though. I love you for who you are. I don't care if you're a perfect princess. That's why I never got along with Audrey. I wish the others didn't tell you that. I wanted to tell you about us getting married eventually. Not yet though."

[mal_contented]

"You're not the horrible one here, Ben! I don't even know if I know how to love! How am I supposed to know why I love someone if I don't know if I even can love?! Anyone you marry has to be able to love you, and love Auradon! It can't just be about what makes m happy, it has to be about what keeps everyone safe! And I can't do that!"

She started to sob, hated herself for that. "I.... I'm not what you need," she whispered. "Not what Auradon needs. Because I... I can't be... not me...."

[didimention]

“You told me you loved me at Cotillion. I was cursed by Uma and you saved me with true loves kiss. I’d still be under her spell if the kiss didn’t work Mal.” Which was a horrible thought to even think about. Uma was a threat to all of them currently it wasn’t good.

“You can be you. That’s why I really want to show you the stained glass window I made. You loved it the first time.”

Sorry, paid ran out >.<

[mal_contented]

She looked up at him, so confused. So lost. Hope was at war with the defensiveness she had always needed to survive. If she shed it, and hope was betrayed... what would she have left?

Losing Ben again would hurt more than anything she'd ever felt. More than losing Lydia. More than going back to the Isle.

"But... what if... I'm not the right me...?" she whispered. "What... I don't remember any of that, Ben. What if that's a different me, a different Mal. In her room or something right now.... And then you are.. are stuck with two of us...?"

Re: Sorry, paid ran out >.<

[didimention]

Ben sighed. He felt like this conversation wasn't going anywhere and he really didn't know what to do. All of this didn't make sense, how could there be two Mal's. He was half tempted to run back upstairs to where he left Mal originally to see if there was indeed two of them. However, it wasn't right leaving this Mal here. It was still Mal he just didn't know how to deal with this.

"I know... this is going to get really complicated and confusing Mal. I really want to show you what I made so you know I'm not tricking you or anything like that. Jane helped me design it actually I think you'll love it. I know you trust me so you can follow me if you want to. Are you hungry or anything?" He asked with a smile since he could easily ask the kitchen to make something for Mal. Not that big of a deal.

Re: Sorry, paid ran out >.<

[mal_contented]

She had been about to reply when he mentioned being hungry. Her stomach replied before she could. Not her fault! She hadn't gotten to meet Sylvando for dinner before arriving here and she still felt uncomfortable eating in the cafeteria at Diatu. And not just because the food there was as likely to bite you back as to lay flat on the plate.

"Um..., food might be good..." she mumbled. She was still sure there had to be another her, or this was som trick or... or something.

Because this? Ben being like this? Bing back but that being okay? She wanted it. More than she'd ever wanted anything.

And life didn't generally give her what she wanted. Ever.

Re: Sorry, paid ran out >.<

[didimention]

Ben smiled and nodded understanding. The cooks would be glad to make them something. That's what they were there for. "I can always show you the painting afterwards. I just really need you to see it before the end of the day." Or at least he had hoped that she'd want to see it, he also wondered if they would bump into another Mal. He'd just have to wait and see for that.

"You don't need to tell me. I just need to know what you've been up to. You just look really frazzled and I want to make sure I know how to take care of you." He took a deep breath and walked towards the castle where the kitchens were. "I'm going to need to tell Evie as well along with Jay and Carlos. They'll be really confused."

Re: Sorry, paid ran out >.<

[mal_contented]

"There is no need to upset them," she said, quickly. Panicked. "If there really are two of me here... they don't need to deal with that."

She wished Ben didn't have to deal with that either.